I dont really know

everyone is doin a dang good job keepin up on all the updates so i dont really feel like going into redundancies. the waterfall was cold, my ipod is dead, my passport is fine, the Thai culture/belief system is frustrating, i have a puss pocket forming on my knee, the food is amazing, the best way to see the city is hangin off the back of a song taew (though we are the only people in the city who do it when the thing is empty), the veiws from up on the mountains are breathtaking, and i could go on and on just trying to catch up on the last 5 days. I really didnt know what the heck i was going to be doing on this mission trip. Even back during training i wondered how the heck i ended up on this trip because evangalism is not something i do or even believe in, so how the heck was i going to do anything on this trip? i guess i was still stuck in the fundamental mindset that the purpose of a mission trip was to beat a bible over peoples head till they finally absorbed something of worth, and i despise that approach. i have grown to think that completely overlooks the relational, the ministry side. And up until today i have been dealing with a lot of frustration over how the heck i was supposed to connect with these people. With each day of learning of Thai culture, the differences just seemed more and more overwhelming. Like Any was saying, when you go to the Wats and talk to some of the monks, they dont even know whats going on, or you see and hear such conflicting reports of what it means to be Buhddist or to worship. When we went to Wat Doi Suthep it just confirmed to me the idea that Buhdism is not a religion or even a philosiphy, its simply tradition. Most of the poeple go through the motions because that is all they know, they live in fear because they dont really believe in what they do, but just go through the motions for fear of there being something to it. So today both Amy's bible study and Stu's little lesson were a huge answer to prayer. I know i wasnt the only one really feeling a little or even really discouraged that all we have been doing so far is just fluff, that we want to be out there faster getting our hands dirty and trying to see some results. And from Amy going through John, which i got out of something a little different, more just confirmation and encouragement that i cant do a thing over here. The only thing i can do is let God use me and work through me. And i know that sounds so cliche sunday schooly but its so hard not to try, not to force something when all you really need to do is just sit back and let God work, and trust Him that even thought I'm not seeing any results, God is at work and somehow using me. And then talking, well, listening mostly to Stu and Go this afternoon talking about how American/western cultures foundational focus is honesty, facts and truth that thats what all our worldveiws boild down to, and how that clashes with the Thai culture whose culture boils down to relationships. How coming in and hoping to try and, as he said, dump our load and change the world in two weeks, is a little unrealistic. but that we should more just concentrate on, and these are conclusions he let us as a team come too, encourage the missionaries who are staying here, to build relationships and gateways into the communities we will be affecting for them, and just be a light and influence that the Thai people notice. Starting tomorrow, monday morning, two of the teams will be heading out to their focuses, and the third will be meeting togother to be prepared for the village. The team i am on will be traveling to different wats to prayerwalk and talk to those that collide with (you should prayerwalk with your eyes open), and spending time up at the college with students. Pray for us that we stay mindful of the culture we are in, that we keep our focus on God and not what we are "supposed" to do, and that we continue the good relations and fun that our team has been experiencing amongst ourselves. thanks yall, zac